Monday, April 30, 2007
I can't believe my Bear is almost one year old! It was almost a year ago that our little miracle came into our lives and rocked our lives!...
Some people are jumping ship at work. It's making the atmosphere pretty tense. I'll be fine, but it will be nice to have some sense of normalcy again...
Get 'em Glenn! If you're not watching Glenn Beck, you should be. You can catch him on CNN Headline News @ 6PM and 8PM (central time) Monday-Friday. It's how I spend my weeknights. Give me some Glenn and Dog and I don't need much more...
Not that I'm asking for applause, but it should also be noted that we put Matthew in the church nursery for the first time yesterday. I thought I handled it okay. I'll get used to it in time (and so will Matthew, for that matter)...
Well, I've got tons of laundry to do. I should go. Later.
I've got to hurry because my little Bear is calling, but I would really like to thank everyone with Matthew's Team! Our team raised $1,295 for prematurity awareness, prevention, and family support. From the fundraising to the walk itself, we've really accomplished a great goal and we did it all to save babies. Thank you so much to Matthew, Dannica, Zoe, Sierra, Adam, Niki, Gale, and James. You guys rock! Thank you for all you did to make this (insert cheesy line here) "a walk to remember." Sorry, I had to throw it in there!
Seriously, thank you for everything. Also, thanks to all of you who donated to our team. On behalf of babies and families everywhere, thank you for making a difference.
Gotta go! My Bear is hungry and I need to get back to Little People Big World, my guilty pleasure.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
On a more serious note: I was finally able to really pray last night. I know that sounds strange because I've been fine and I feel like my relationship with God is okay. When it comes to work, though, I haven't really prayed about it because I didn't really know what to pray. Like the human that I am, I've just been avoiding the topic altogether when I prayed. You know how sometimes you don't know what to ask for? Well, I'm a little embarrassed that it took me months to just say, "God, I don't really know what to say, but I guess I just need that unexplainable peace that only you can give."
This is where it gets interesting: I felt so much better the second those words came out of my mouth. I just felt like that burden was gone. Fast forward to this morning: the co-worker I referred to in the last post told me that she turned in her notice when I was out on Tuesday. I really do like her. She's a lot of fun and I'll miss her, but she was making me miserable. She was miserable and mad the second she walked in every morning; we work in a small space and that kind of outlook gets contagious. It's hard to look forward to work anyway, much less be content with your job when someone you work with is constantly downing the place.
Anyway...I'm rambling...my point is that I'm okay now. I was okay before I knew that she turned in her notice, but I just think that's a nice example of how God takes care of things when I finally turn it over to Him.
My Bear is calling and I've got to get the radio ready. James is sitting in with I2T on the Jon Walden show on WDJC tonight.
Monday, April 23, 2007
1. Why, for the love, do some of my co-workers have to suck? I know it sounds harsh, but really, is it too much to ask that we apply the classic "Do unto others" rule at work too? I don't think I'm asking too much. You know, this whole issue is really too deep for me to even explain. I'm just asking that you actually do YOUR freaking job. I'm not asking you to do a single thing beyond YOUR job or even thirty seconds beyond your designated time. I'm just really mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted from doing my job and covering YOUR butt 8-5, Monday-Friday. It gets old. The problem is that I really do like you, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep liking you as a person and not letting my professional opinion of you get in the way. It just sucks because I hate working with you now. You don't do anything and I'm tired of doing your job while you still get paid for it. Moving on...
2. The media, Hollywood, and political propaganda. There aren't enough words to truly say it all. I can't decide if I'm mad at the media, Hollywood, and those that distribute the propaganda or if I'm just mad because so many people listen to and believe these flaming tongues without ever questioning the source. I think I'm mad at everyone involved. It's just so crappy that all of these celebs use their various outlets to promote these threads of lies. They take advantage of the poor, lazy souls that won't investigate what's going in this world. Once again, I can't leave out those who can't/won't think for themselves. What's so sad is that they don't think that being uninformed is wrong. It's absurd and it's embarrassing.
3. Dial-up internet. I know that I get what I pay for, yada, yada, yada. After five years of it, I'm looking forward to our pending upgrade. I can't get on myspace at work, and, shockingly, that really does affect my networking abilities. It's all I get do to even log in at home, much less check on our youth group, friends, etc. Not cool. Thanks again to those of you who insisted that we use a firewall at work. That was super.
4. Lastly, the fact that my dryer is squeaking. I'm tired of everything breaking.
Okay, that's it for now. I'm still blessed beyond measure. I love my husband and my little Bear. I've got it good. I'm just tired.
Friday, April 13, 2007
May 11 is just around the corner so I decided it was time to get off my butt and do something at Bethel. I've been telling myself for the last year that I would join choir as soon as I was able, but I've been dreading it. This may sound strange, but I've become shy and joining choir would mean that I have to interact with lots of new people. Sure, I already talk to most of the choir members from time to time, but I don't "know" them. I need to "know" them and it's going to really drag me out of my newly-found comfort zone to get to "know" them. In my year of inactivity, I've really become a hermit. I had finally psyched myself up to join choir and stop sitting the bench. I've never been a bench-warmer at church (I did children's ministry for five years and have been in choir since I was fourteen.), but I've been getting dangerously comfortable with my new position.
Anyway, I finally got up the nerve to do join choir and put Matthew in the nursery (that's a story in itself) and I drove across the street after youth service. I walk into the sanctuary and everyone is gone. It turns out they took the night off. I had good intentions. Maybe next week...
Monday, April 9, 2007
Monday, April 2, 2007
I don't care anymore. I know it sounds harsh, but I don't care about that either. I learned that I have some very codependent qualities and I realized how it was affecting me. I've spent the last freaking month stressing myself out over the possibility that we hurt someone. Here's the problem with that: the so-called "hurt" party never ever even gave us one little indication that we did something hurtful. It was all hearsay. I've been going out of my way, doing everything I can possibly do, to try to fix it. I decided that I just don't care anymore. I can't care anymore. I hate drama and I hate the fact that I was brought into it.
I'm not in high school and I don't have time for drama in my life. It's amazing how the enemy will weasel his way into something good and try to screw it all up. I just can't worry about this mess anymore. I've done all I can do. I've prayed about it and I'm not even bitter. Even the messenger (mentioned in the last post) doesn't bother me anymore. I just don't care. If the messenger wants to be messy, the messenger can live a messy life. I'm not going to. I'm too blessed and too happy to let something this retarded keep me up at night. I've been going to the freaking bathroom at work crying in the freaking stalls because the messenger is "so concerned" that we MIGHT have a real problem here.
I don't care anymore. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I feel so much better now. I don't even know how to explain it. I don't even feel like I need to confront the messenger. I can only explain the situation so many times. I really have done all I can do and if that isn't enough, I don't really care about that either. God knows my heart and my intentions. My duty is not to fix the drama that others have started in my life; my God-given duty is to be a Godly wife, mother, friend, and example. So, those are the things that are important to me. There is no room for drama in any of that. I can't be there for my family (immediate or extended) if I'm depressed and worried about something that might not even be true.
So, if this worries you, bothers you, or offends you, keep in mind that I've been too freaking concerned about what others think about me. I can't do it anymore. Thanks for listening. I'm posting this on my other blog too (so no one will miss it, not that I care about that either.).
I love my husband, my Bear, and my life. My God is so good to me and this whole revelation is just another example of the peace that surpasses all understanding. I'm very thankful for that.