Saturday, June 30, 2007

I have no words (at least no nice ones)

Could have mentioned this earlier, but I chose not to. Anyway, long story short, James came across his personnel file at work yesterday. He wasn't snooping, but it was not with the rest of the files, it was in a random drawer and he happened to need something out of that drawer. There was no reason for it to have been in that drawer and no one around, so...he opened it and...

The only thing worth mentioning is that his former "supervisor," if you will, gave him a bad reference. How sucky! You may know this already, but it took James forever to find a part-time job once we left our old ministries. Seriously, it took a year to find something. James worked at our last church for five years. James worked his butt off and then some! Sure, we weren't in it for money or recognition, but you've got to keep in mind that he (we) served our last church with all of our hearts for five years and they only paid us $10,000/year. I can't believe this former "supervisor" would have the flippin' nerve to say "he has a knack for looking like an unmade bed." That was actually written in the margins from where James' current supervisor called to check the reference.

First of all, not that he looked like an "unmade bed," but even if he did, he couldn't afford to dress like a flippin' southern gospel quartet member. $10,000 only goes so far when you have to pay rent, utilities, eat, etc. I just find myself being more and more disappointed by our former pastor. How he can stand in the pulpit and claim that James and I would always be like his own children, yada yada, and flip the switch totally once we left and moved to Bethel, I'll never know. He was my pastor for 13 years and I though I could trust him. I thought I could believe the things he said and that he actually believed in us. What a joke! I'm not sure why, but I still find it hard to believe that he and SOME of his family members are so fake.

I guess we should have seen it coming since he never even once checked on Matthew while he was in the NICU for 57 days. After all, this is the same man that told some of our former youth group that we wouldn't want them to visit us.

I'm really not mad, irritated, or anything about the bad reference, but it's pretty interesting to think that all the jobs James didn't get in the last year could have been because Fro gave him a bad reference. The nicest thing he said about James was that "he is capable with the computer." Gee, thanks. Seriously, we're still getting back on our feet from that lack of income for so long. I shouldn't be, but I'm so stunned that he couldn't even find one nice thing to say about James. James was a faithful, dedicated, and hardworking part of Fro's ministry team that put up with a ton of crap. After all, it was ministry and you don't just quit when someone gets on your nerves. You put up with things because you're serving and not working. I wish I could ask Fro about the trillions of times James had to cover for him because the church was the last thing on his mind. What about that? He just decided he was done with us when we stood up and said we weren't interested in being puppets.

I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed, again, in the man who claimed he loved us as much as his own daughter. What a big fat joke. I do take comfort in the fact that I'm not even upset. I guess I'm finally getting over all of the hurt and exhaustion that we left behind in Fultondale.


Random catching up

Overall, I'm in a good mood. I haven't really had time to myspace in a while so I have to play catch up once a week or so. Everything has gotten back to normal again; I'm still behind on laundry, but for the most part, life is good.
I racked up at bunco Monday night! I won two of the three prizes! How fun! I've had a good time being a part of this group.

I had a good time with our GA girls last Wednesday night. I got the honor of filling in for their teacher while she was out. I also was given the opportunity to "lead" our Sunday School lesson last week. I really enjoyed that, but I still have issues when it comes to "teaching" adults since I was in children's ministry for so long. Oh how I love my Sunday School class, but I guess that's another time and place... Really, the class is so uplifting! You should come! Geez, I love my church!

I'm singing tomorrow for the first time since we left our last ministries. At this point, I won't say I'm nervous, but it feels really surreal since I haven't done a solo of any kind since Matthew was born! My recent singing bouts have been limited to Wiggles and VeggieTales covers, so you can see how this is a little different.

Lastly, I thought I would mention this: like usual, just when I start getting comfortable again, a little statement comes along and starts getting me all uneasy inside. We all know that change isn't easy, especially when you AREN'T looking for it. Well, I haven't talked about this much even with my family (somethings are meant to be on the DL for a reason) but I recently got a nice promotion which I'm very thankful for. I feel great about the way things are shaping up at work and I haven't felt "great" about work in a long time. We've just hired a new NP, whom I adore, and a new head nurse (haven't really met her yet) and we've got one last slot to fill. Anyway, we were walking through WalMart last night and ran into a friend and did some catching up with her. Anyway, long story short, she mentions that she's now doing research and I make the comment that I was in research before I transferred to my current department. After doing some talking, she urged me to send my resume to her.

Now, could I do that job? Sure. I have no doubt. Would I like it? Sure. Do I think anything would come of it? Probably not. Do I want to leave my current job? Not really. Do I owe it to myself to at least try? Probably. I'm honestly not looking around at all. I just think it's ironic that I get nice and comfortable again and even the simple statement, "please send me your resume" is enough to turn my world into a whirlwind. That's a stretch, I'll admit it, but I just don't know if I'm going to send it or not.

Anyway, I think we're meeting the Stallion for lunch and it's 12:40. I need to look better than this if I'm going out in public. Later...

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Are You Talking To Me?

So, I've been really trying to make myself find time for Bible study this last week. I've been really convicted about the lack of study and quiet time in my life. I've also been dealing with the fact that I haven't really been involved in ministry for more than a year now. Between last week's Sunday School lesson and today's, I feel like I've been hit with a ton of bricks.

I'm trying to give the summarized version here, so be patient if it gets a little complicated: I'm busy and I deal with the same things as all other busy moms. Between housework, work, Matthew, and everything in between, it's hard to find time for a shower sometimes, much less time to study anything. That's just my life now. I love it. I'm not complaining about that and I'm really not even trying to use it as an excuse, but I just struggle with setting aside time for quiet time. Even as I type this, all 23 pounds of my sleeping Matthew are poured over me because he won't let me put him down. It's just hard to find time for myself.

One of the topics last week's lesson covered was the difference between casual Christians, cultural Christians, and committed Christians. Without getting into each of those definitions, in all honesty, I had to define myself as right smack in between cultural and committed. It bothered me. For the most part, (that's the key phrase here) I do everything right. I'm faithful in church attendance; I'm involved. I know the Sunday School answers to any question you could ask. I witness (not as often as I should), but I honestly feel like anyone who even knows me as an acquaintance can tell you that I have Christ in my life. The only thing that kept me from being able to say I'm a committed Christian was the fact that I don't study my Bible or have quiet time each day.

That was tough to accept. I even started to justify my lack of quiet time with my hectic life, but I can't even justify it. I've just gotten out of my routine and I've got to get back. It's that simple. When I wanted to let myself off the hook and still say I'm a committed Christian I started thinking of my committed relationship with my husband. Am I committed to James? Without a doubt. Do I talk to him each day? Yep. Do I spend time with him each day? Yes again. Would I be okay with the direction our relationship is headed if I didn't spend time with him and talk to him each day? I'd be terrified!

That's what it took for me to accept that it's not okay to skip the quiet time with God. I need His Word. Fast forward to this week: I had my quiet time 5 out of 7 days this last week. That wasn't even 7/7 and I already feel better about it. When I was studying my Sunday School lesson for this morning, I was having a tough time applying it to my life. It was about obedience. Arrogantly, I honestly went into class this morning thinking that this wasn't even something I struggle with. I even said that out loud! How foolish am I? It didn't even hit me until the actual church service that this stinking lack of quiet time for the last year has been disobedience.

Anyway, I also needed a specific line from the sermon to bring it all home for me: "In order to enrich your relationship with God, you must serve Him." I needed that. I've been thinking for a few months now about my place in music ministry and children's ministry. I finally realized that I'm just going to have to jump in and see where I can be used. I spoke with one of our GA teachers and it turns out that one of the other volunteers is out for the summer. God has opened that door for me to help in that class. I've also volunteered to be a sub for the GA classes. I'm teaching VBS, and, gulp, I bought a new track to sing. I haven't done any kind of music (other than singing to Matthew) since we left our last ministries.

I'm glad I'm jumping in. I needed that line from the sermon. It was assurance that I'm on the right track. I feel good about my relationship with God. I feel better than I have in a long time. I was even reminded (by my SS teacher who doesn't think she's the right teacher for us) that I've got to constantly focus myself on God's will for my life. I've got to focus on His will and the grand scheme of things. I had forgotten to ask myself, "Is this in God's will for me?"

I've rambled on and on, but I'm feeling good about things. Well, I've got to go. Pray for my Bear (and me) tomorrow! It's his first day of daycare.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

So much to do...(and deal with)

It's looking like it's going to get really busy again! There really is quite a bit going on right now. I feel like I'm once again in "calm before the storm" mode.

First of all, my Bear starts daycare on Monday!!!!!!! Oh, you can't even imagine the flood of emotion involved in this. I am completely happy with our daycare decision so it has nothing to do with that. I know he'll be okay once he gets used to it, but he's gotten so clingy lately. Even the church nursery has been rough this last few times. He's fine as long as I'm with him, but if I even get up to wash my hands, he starts crying because he thinks I'm leaving him. I know he'll be fine; really, I know it's good for him to have some Independence. However, I'm not overly excited about this transition period.

Secondly, my PartyLite candle party is Monday night! I'm excited! It's going to be so much fun! Let me know if you plan to attend. You'll be glad you did.

Thirdly, VBS is only a few weeks away. I'm gearing up for my kindergarten class. I know it will get here soon enough, but I'm kind of anxious for it to get here already.

Anyway, work has been really hectic so that's one more area of my life that's been busy. I'll be okay and I'm holding up well, but I would welcome the opportunity to relax again. Later...