So, I've been really trying to make myself find time for Bible study this last week. I've been really convicted about the lack of study and quiet time in my life. I've also been dealing with the fact that I haven't really been involved in ministry for more than a year now. Between last week's Sunday School lesson and today's, I feel like I've been hit with a ton of bricks.
I'm trying to give the summarized version here, so be patient if it gets a little complicated: I'm busy and I deal with the same things as all other busy moms. Between housework, work, Matthew, and everything in between, it's hard to find time for a shower sometimes, much less time to study anything. That's just my life now. I love it. I'm not complaining about that and I'm really not even trying to use it as an excuse, but I just struggle with setting aside time for quiet time. Even as I type this, all 23 pounds of my sleeping Matthew are poured over me because he won't let me put him down. It's just hard to find time for myself.
One of the topics last week's lesson covered was the difference between casual Christians, cultural Christians, and committed Christians. Without getting into each of those definitions, in all honesty, I had to define myself as right smack in between cultural and committed. It bothered me. For the most part, (that's the key phrase here) I do everything right. I'm faithful in church attendance; I'm involved. I know the Sunday School answers to any question you could ask. I witness (not as often as I should), but I honestly feel like anyone who even knows me as an acquaintance can tell you that I have Christ in my life. The only thing that kept me from being able to say I'm a committed Christian was the fact that I don't study my Bible or have quiet time each day.
That was tough to accept. I even started to justify my lack of quiet time with my hectic life, but I can't even justify it. I've just gotten out of my routine and I've got to get back. It's that simple. When I wanted to let myself off the hook and still say I'm a committed Christian I started thinking of my committed relationship with my husband. Am I committed to James? Without a doubt. Do I talk to him each day? Yep. Do I spend time with him each day? Yes again. Would I be okay with the direction our relationship is headed if I didn't spend time with him and talk to him each day? I'd be terrified!
That's what it took for me to accept that it's not okay to skip the quiet time with God. I need His Word. Fast forward to this week: I had my quiet time 5 out of 7 days this last week. That wasn't even 7/7 and I already feel better about it. When I was studying my Sunday School lesson for this morning, I was having a tough time applying it to my life. It was about obedience. Arrogantly, I honestly went into class this morning thinking that this wasn't even something I struggle with. I even said that out loud! How foolish am I? It didn't even hit me until the actual church service that this stinking lack of quiet time for the last year has been disobedience.
Anyway, I also needed a specific line from the sermon to bring it all home for me: "In order to enrich your relationship with God, you must serve Him." I needed that. I've been thinking for a few months now about my place in music ministry and children's ministry. I finally realized that I'm just going to have to jump in and see where I can be used. I spoke with one of our GA teachers and it turns out that one of the other volunteers is out for the summer. God has opened that door for me to help in that class. I've also volunteered to be a sub for the GA classes. I'm teaching VBS, and, gulp, I bought a new track to sing. I haven't done any kind of music (other than singing to Matthew) since we left our last ministries.
I'm glad I'm jumping in. I needed that line from the sermon. It was assurance that I'm on the right track. I feel good about my relationship with God. I feel better than I have in a long time. I was even reminded (by my SS teacher who doesn't think she's the right teacher for us) that I've got to constantly focus myself on God's will for my life. I've got to focus on His will and the grand scheme of things. I had forgotten to ask myself, "Is this in God's will for me?"
I've rambled on and on, but I'm feeling good about things. Well, I've got to go. Pray for my Bear (and me) tomorrow! It's his first day of daycare.