I had a total meltdown this afternoon when I started frosting James' birthday cake. I've never had one totally tear apart like this. I decided to go ahead and do the piping and make the best I could out of it, but I really wasn't going to take it to church tonight. I was really upset about the crumbs. It didn't matter how many layers I put over the crumbs, they kept moving. I finally had to accept that it wasn't going to look any better than that.
Anyway, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't a huge deal, but I was really emotional about it because this was the worst-looking cake I've ever done... and it was for the person who means more to me than anything in this world. I just wanted him to have an amazing cake and it crumbled everytime I touched it. My tip even got clogged a few times when I was piping, so even the piping wasn't up to par.
Oh well. Without further hesitation, I present the source of my meltdown:
Needless to say, we had a great, but wet time at our Six Flags trip Saturday. Matthew deemed the entire park "The Island of Sodor." Any Thomas the Tank Engine fan would have been in heaven, just like our little one!
As I continued my hunt for Relient K's Birds and the Beesidescd, I came across my first diary last night. Let me say first of all that I was so lame! I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly embarrassed I was to even read some of those things! Albeit there wasn't much room for details on any of the pages, I read enough to make myself cringe. There was nothing too bad, but lame is definitely the right word for the majority of it. I guess that's to be expected though. After all, I started writing in it in 1992-my expectations of myself can only be so high, right?
Anyway, reading through that diary last night showed me several things. I realized I was a "blogger" before blogs even existed. I got to see myself as a child/tweenager/teenager just trying to find my way and where I'm supposed to be. More importantly, I got reminded that God is in control of every aspect of our lives.
You see, while this seems so trivial looking back, I found traces of my deepest desires at those seasons of my life. Like any tweenage/teenage girl, my diary was infused with confessions about all of these silly boys I "loved." It didn't seem so silly at the time; I can remember some of them and how I would pray that God would bring us together or keep us together forever. Those pages were laced with my happy daydreams of how wonderful life would be if I married _________ (fill in the blank with an assortment of 20 different boys). God didn't answer most of those prayers the way I wanted when I was writing those pages. While I might have been devastated at the time, I'm so grateful that He didn't give me what I asked for back then.
This analogy is true in many, many aspects of our lives, but to keep it personal and relevant, God knew what He was doing when He blessed me with James. There is no other for me and I knew that pretty quickly when I met him. While I thought I knew what was best for me and my life and I thought I knew what would make me happier than I had ever known, God knew me and answered according to His will. I'm so thankful for that! My husband is more amazing than I could have ever dreamed and I find myself more and more in love with him with each day that passes. God is so good and He never forgets us.
In closing, the next time you think God isn't listening, remember that God does things according to His will and in His time. He always knows what's best for us and He's had a plan and purpose for us from the very beginning. His ways are bigger and better than we can ever imagine. While sometimes the road we walk to get there can be painful (because things don't happen the way we planned), in the words of Relient K, "the end will justify the pain it took to get us there" and it will be more amazing than we could have ever imagined.