As I continued my hunt for Relient K's Birds and the Beesides cd, I came across my first diary last night. Let me say first of all that I was so lame! I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly embarrassed I was to even read some of those things! Albeit there wasn't much room for details on any of the pages, I read enough to make myself cringe. There was nothing too bad, but lame is definitely the right word for the majority of it. I guess that's to be expected though. After all, I started writing in it in 1992-my expectations of myself can only be so high, right?
Anyway, reading through that diary last night showed me several things. I realized I was a "blogger" before blogs even existed. I got to see myself as a child/tweenager/teenager just trying to find my way and where I'm supposed to be. More importantly, I got reminded that God is in control of every aspect of our lives.
You see, while this seems so trivial looking back, I found traces of my deepest desires at those seasons of my life. Like any tweenage/teenage girl, my diary was infused with confessions about all of these silly boys I "loved." It didn't seem so silly at the time; I can remember some of them and how I would pray that God would bring us together or keep us together forever. Those pages were laced with my happy daydreams of how wonderful life would be if I married _________ (fill in the blank with an assortment of 20 different boys). God didn't answer most of those prayers the way I wanted when I was writing those pages. While I might have been devastated at the time, I'm so grateful that He didn't give me what I asked for back then.
This analogy is true in many, many aspects of our lives, but to keep it personal and relevant, God knew what He was doing when He blessed me with James. There is no other for me and I knew that pretty quickly when I met him. While I thought I knew what was best for me and my life and I thought I knew what would make me happier than I had ever known, God knew me and answered according to His will. I'm so thankful for that! My husband is more amazing than I could have ever dreamed and I find myself more and more in love with him with each day that passes. God is so good and He never forgets us.
In closing, the next time you think God isn't listening, remember that God does things according to His will and in His time. He always knows what's best for us and He's had a plan and purpose for us from the very beginning. His ways are bigger and better than we can ever imagine. While sometimes the road we walk to get there can be painful (because things don't happen the way we planned), in the words of Relient K, "the end will justify the pain it took to get us there" and it will be more amazing than we could have ever imagined.